He Said/She Said - One Couple's Perspective
By Mark and Sydney Wikner |
He Said...
September 1990
Sydney has found a lump in her breast from self-examination. The doctors have decided it should be removed, so I went with her to the surgeon's office. I remember trying to read magazines in the waiting room. I think I wanted to be distracted and not think about it.We saw the lump in a little jar. Doc said it looked like lots he had seen and it looked ok, but the lab test is the final determination on that. So there was still an element of doubt. We had told some friends and they were still naturally concerned and also waiting for results.Next day I went to the Farm Progress Show at the Amanas. Syd came along with her stitched-up breast. I love these shows, and I suppose it was another distraction; but there was still this thought lurking, Is it CANCER? What a relief a few days later when the lab confirmed it was not malignant.
Fast Forward, May 1993
A lump he had been watching for a couple of years in the other breast caught someone's attention on a mammogram because of change. So it too was scheduled for removal and biopsy. Syd went in by herself. I'd been there, done that! It was Friday. Our son was coming home for the weekend with his new girlfriend, and I didn't give it much thought; just another of those fairly common benign little lumps! That thinking quickly changed when the surgeon called Tuesday afternoon. I remember the ten-mile drive to his office. In a way I didn't even want to go, but knew that we had to. Sydney needed consoling, and thoughts were racing through my mind, Is this really happening to us? Our life had been relatively smooth.The whole week changed. Suddenly there were so many questions and so much to learn in so little time. We called our children, our brothers, our sisters, our Bible study group, and people from church that had been through a mastectomy and 1-800-4CANCER. We told our mothers in person. In retrospect, I can see that we were reaching out for support. How good it was to have the support there. Was it easy? No, but not impossible either.
Throughout this we have learned to trust the Lord more and live one day at a time. That is all we have anyway.
Mark Wikner
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She Said...
I had been waiting for the phone to ring. Mark was home that day and picked up an extension. A wave of incredible sadness washed over me as my doctor said, "I'm sorry, Sydney, but that lump is malignant and you're going to need further treatment.
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I can talk to you and Mark at 3:30 p.m. The sadness I felt was not just the threat of the loss of a breast, to which society attaches so much importance, but the loss of the security of always having been in such good health.
It was the second lump on which a biopsy had been done for me and I was certainly hoping this one was benign as the first one was. I was, however, apprehensive because of the doctor's comments when he removed the lump compared to what he said when he removed the first lump and the urgency with which the biopsy was done after the mammogram.
The only factors pertinent to my being at high risk of breast cancer were that I was 50, just barely, and a woman. I had discovered the lump about two years earlier. It had been chased around with exams and mammograms frequently, and I was assured that it was nothing to worry about. But this mammogram showed that the tumor was growing rapidly and developing "feelers." Mark came into the room and put his arms around me. I was crying, but I dried my eyes and we were off to see the surgeon. After discussing my options, we decided on a modified radical mastectomy. That was four o'clock on Tuesday. On Friday at four o,clock my breast was gone. We chose chemotherapy as a prophylactic measure. It was a rough six months, but I wanted to do all I could to decrease my risk of recurrence. Mark was always supportive. He went to all my doctor appointments and chemotherapy treatments and was sympathetic when I was sick with killer headaches after chemo. We made it through. What alternative was there? Not to make it?
No---there was no choice. We just lived one day at a time, making decisions, as they had to be made, giving thanks when things went well and not being afraid to cry if I felt like it. Tears are therapeutic. And that's where we are now. Thirteen years have passed. I'm still under doctor's care. All is going well and we praise God.
Sydney Wikner |
